Screams

Dear 2008, you were good to me…


Something I did last year was write out a list of New Year’s Resolutions. I was reminded of this fact by a recent post for Jason Boyett. While I can’t link to my original post (yay Facebook!!!1!), I will instead copy and paste the whole thing and add special commentary on how I believe I’ve done in keeping up my end of the bargain.

Commentary is in italics (as if you couldn’t figure that out yourself, right?):

I’ve decided that I need to have a few New Year’s resolutions. Typically, I either make fun of people for having resolutions, or I shake my head at them. I’ve just always thought of the whole process as being shamefully temporary and embarrassingly revealing.

So it would only stand to reason that I now make a list for myself.

So I give you my New Year’s resolutions spoken to me in the second person (sometimes it just takes hearing it from someone else to make a difference):

Don’t drive so much. Yes, your car gets scandalous gas mileage, but you are constantly going from here to there, and never really planning out your day well enough. If you planned ahead of time, you could be more efficient, while saving money and not being a gas hog.

Check…but not having your car in commission can help with this greatly.

Learn how to cook. You already know how to a little bit, but it could be better. You won’t get by making spaghetti everyday; no matter how good it is, it’s just not good for you. It’s also widely believed that women like this talent in a man.

Semi-check…you’re getting there. It’s just going to take a little more time than originally planned.

Start getting up earlier in the day. When you were a kid, you used to get up as soon as you could to watch cartoons on your days off from the grind known as school. There are things in this life worth getting up for.

FAIL

Which reminds me…

Watch more cartoons.

Semi-check…Heather’s siblings, Audrey, Aiden, and Jonathon help out a lot with this.

Take a photography class. You bought a pricey camera that you still don’t know how to properly operate. And you’re still making payments on it. Perhaps if you ever get good enough, you could sell your pictures.

That’s a big negative on the check there, Ansel Adams.

Get your debt under control. You’re too young to be worrying about this kind of stuff as much as you are. The biggest problem with it all is that your worrying hasn’t caused you to do much about it except eat a little less, and go to the bathroom a little more.

1/4 of a Check…baby steps.

Read more Scripture. Not necessarily a large amount in one sitting, but an amount that you can firmly grasp and contemplate throughout the day. Stop thinking you have to memorize that whole Book. You’re not a Jewish scholar. You don’t wear a funny little hat.

Checkish…

Practice the art and lifestyle of contemplation.

Hmm…you’ll have to think about this one.

Go for a jog with a bunch of other guys in your boxers, in the dead of winter. Just like your first year of living on campus.

Negative

Go on 3 dates. This may seem like a low number, but shooting low with your expectations enhances the possibility of achieving them.

Heather Stemen. Probably the biggest success story of my year…

n153800300_30393215_6366

Write more. It doesn’t have to be a blog; it doesn’t have to be in a journal. Just write. It doesn’t matter. Write.

Check…in a sense…

Organize your socks. We all know that’s getting out of control.

FAIL

Stop cussing to yourself when you screw up while playing sports. Just stop getting so upset about things in general. When did games stop being about fun for you?

#@%#&* FAIL (Stopping yourself just short of saying it is better, but there’s still more work to be done.)

Recapture that “thing” that caused one of your high school teachers to label you as “slightly eccentric”.

Nobody has any clue what you meant when you came up with this one. So…FAIL?

Quit trying to always be the rebel that pushes people to their limits.

This will probably never stop. Good or bad, we may never know.

Ditch the pride.

Lots of CHECKS here, but still some more to go.

Try acquiring a taste for tea. Who cares if you’re not British, it’s healthy.

Ehh…we’re fine that this one didn’t work out.

Call your mom more often. Not just because it will keep her from constantly writing weird stuff on your Facebook wall.

Semi-check…you’re a horrible son.

Take a vacation. Discover Oregon. Or anything in the Pacific Northwest.

Amish Door counts for me. Check.

Trash the illusion that you are in control. Announcing your plans to God is a good way to make Him laugh.

You’re still cracking God up.

Go to another trance concert. This time, without the banana costume. And bring your own water, because $5 a bottle is just too much.

Paul van Dyke. New York City. Pier 54. Not bad. Not great, but not bad either.

Stop drinking so much bottled water. Get a tap filter. Use one of your eight Nalgene bottles or something.

Check

Give up fast food. It’s only going to slow you down.

Chik-Fil-A will always be a part of your life.

Scratch that. Subway is still good. And it takes them forever to make a sandwich anyway, so it can’t be counted as fast food.

Phew…

Vote.

Psh…major check!

Anytime someone falls on the basketball court, make it your duty to help pick him up. I don’t care how stupid it may look.

You would have to actually be playing some ball in order to try this one. For awhile you were doing good though.

Read. Read. Read.

Check. Check. Check.

Practice the art of thinking before speaking a little more. You tend to talk too much. You were born with diarrhea of the mouth and at times you suffer from constipation of the brain. It’s time for some mental Ex-lax.

Many people can attest that there is still plenty more room for growth here.

Buy a nice bottle of wine, and plan to hang on to that baby for a long time. You’ll know when it’s the right moment to open it.

Uncheck…you drank it already, you boozer.

When it’s affordable, go to the movies more often. And take people with you.

Check and a half…

Get Season 7 of Smallville.

Check. Then you sold it. Go figure.

Get Season 4 of The Office.

You’re poor.

Get Season 3 of My Name is Earl.

You’re broke.

Stop buying so many DVD’s.

Check. You have no money.

Look back on this list from time to time. Use it as a measuring stick. It’s time to be accountable for some things

Immediate checkage.

• *UPDATE* Try to incorporate the banana costume into your daily routine.

You owned the check.


If you’re still reading up to this point, give yourself a high-five. As for next year’s resolutions, they’ll be popping up shortly.

Jar

Advertisements
Standard

3 thoughts on “Dear 2008, you were good to me…

  1. Pingback: Pleased to meet you 2009. Allow me to introduce myself… « The Screaming Room

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s