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Dating in Phoenix, and why you shouldn’t…


Dating is an annoyance. An inconvenience, even.

If you’ve ever dipped your toes into the shark-infested waters of the dating pool, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t HAVE to spend a lot of money, but of course you end up doing that anyway. Every date has a tendency to start with the same surface level questions, like asking someone what their favorite color/animal/food/music genre is. And more often than not, you’re going to have more misses than hits, especially if your name is Larry King. (He had a lot of wives. Misses. Mrs? Forget it; I don’t owe you people anything.)

Over the past year, I’ve opened myself up to the dating scene like never before. Where I used to be rather restrained in my approach with women, I’m now far more comfortable approaching someone I don’t even know, in person and online. I’ve gone on dates with the types of women I never considered as possibilities, as well as the types I thought I could only dream of, at least on the surface. You could say that I’ve broadened my search to fit nearly any type of woman, or you could say that I’m desperately alone. You could also say neither would be entirely inaccurate.

To be honest, I’m actually OK with my singleness. Sure, it would be nice to be in a relationship with someone that is built on trust, intimacy, and love, but I don’t exactly have a lot to offer at this stage of my life aside from semi-witty conversation and a whole lot of opinions on everything. At least, that’s what I’ve been feeling since I moved to Phoenix.

You see, Phoenix is an interesting place. I come from Indiana, which is in the heart of the Midwest. Everything you’ve heard about the Midwest is generally true, which isn’t something I realized or admitted until moving away from it. There’s a certain genuineness to the people back home that I don’t come across as frequently here in the Valley. There are definitely genuine people here, and people who would give you the shirt off their backs. However, and this might be a case brought on by my own doing and the people I surround myself with, I’ve been deeply turned off by the rampant superficiality and shallowness of the general populace. This is probably a “young adult” thing more than it is a systemic Phoenix issue, but nevertheless, it’s true.

What makes this an even more interesting case study is that the amount of ridiculously good looking people (RGLPs for short) in the Valley is so high it would make Derek Zoolander turn left without thinking. (Timely pop culture reference, right there.) This giant glob of RGLPs—which I have dubbed “The Gathering”—makes for an interesting culture that makes it very difficult to wade through all the bullshit. If you know what the labels “Scottsdale Girl” and “$30,000 Millionaire” mean, you know what I’m talking about.

On more than one occasion, I’ve had to end a date within the first thirty minutes because I couldn’t stand listening to the other person. And on more than one occasion, I’ve been “let down” because I didn’t meet an arbitrary job/income requirement. And yes, I’ve also been turned down because the other person just didn’t feel anything toward me.

These dating difficulties aren’t exclusive to this area, to be sure. However, I’ve noticed them far more than I have in any other location I’ve lived.

So, all of this to say: Phoenix, I love you. But I don’t want to date you.

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6 thoughts on “Dating in Phoenix, and why you shouldn’t…

  1. Julia Sanders says:

    I moved here recently myself and have had similar frustrations in dating. People from home don’t get what I mean when I say that I work in Scottsdale and people assume I’m a Scottsdale Girl, and how much I HATE that. Preach on brotha man!

  2. lostteach2013 says:

    We’re both very similar cases. I’m a Chicago girl, living in Tucson. I’m lucky if I get a bite with a guy who actually wants to meet. (I’m attempting online dating.)

    I’d rather stay single than drive myself crazy with whatever crazys are out there.

  3. RR says:

    PHX is one of the worst places for a guy to date, there’s just an overabundance of guys versus dateable women…it just sucks man, sorry. Not ironically…it’s also ranked one of the better places for women in that regard. Can you imagine the articles if it was the other way around (shortage of men)?

    The women here are either looking for that bad boy/tattoo artist type or waiting to get off the cock carousel in their late 20’s to find the perfect match (6’3″ doctor with $5m net).

  4. Mahala says:

    I think it depends on what stage you are in your life as well. I’m a divorced, single mother and have chosen to be single for a long time for my children. There is no need for men to be introduced to them, but I do have “my time” when they’re with their father as well, so that i can see what’s out there for “Mama”. I’ve tried dating websites and find that they allow people to be more shallow (including myself) than meeting people naturally, the way we’re supposed to. Yes, obviously by physical attraction, but also by personality and interaction. which is why I decided to delete all of my accounts for website dating. I noticed after awhile of online dating, that I found myself to be way more attracted to someone in person, that may have not have been attractive to me online with their pictures. I didn’t like the way it was making me chose my suitors. Now, on the other hand, if you’re aware of the “Scottsdale girls/guys” stereotype, then you’ve obviously dated one or two. Most are pretty superficial and materialistic, so it’s hard not to judge someone based off of looks alone, and lets be honest, if they look like a “Scottsdale girl/guy” then more than likely they are and if that’s what you’re pursuing, that’s probably why you’re striking out in Phoenix. You’re going to have to compromise somewhere with either looks or personality, because lets face it, you won’t find both.

    Just my 2 cents.

  5. Clayton Trussell says:

    I was born and raised in Phoenix. I am a native and like any other native, my social circle is insulated with other natives. I have noticed the same behaviors in the singles scene and for the most part, they are perpetrated by the folks who move here from out of state. The majority of natives are laid back conservative liberals who prefer house parties to clubs and bars. If you didn’t know that, you probably weren’t invited, and for a reason. The douche behavioural concerns should be focused inwards if you’re a transplant.

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